Dionysius was born at an early age to humble circumstances in Rhodope, Greece. He spent most of his childhood working the land at his father's brother's cousin's former roommate's vineyard. At the age of 16, he moved to Sonoma County, CA where he continued his apprenticeship and stumbled his way into the local Shrine club. He has since joined five lodges, fifty appendant bodies, and the Benevolent and Protective Order of the Elks. He spends most of his time drinking wine and scheming new ways to add alcohol into Masonic ritual.