Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Richest Grand Lodge In US Empathetic of Small Town Lodges...Says Will Accept Foot Massages In Place of Per Capita

Allentown, PA--On Friday morning, the letters went out to the hundreds of lodges across the state giving them the good news. Up until this point the Grand Lodge was the richest in the country, not in Ritual or Tradition or anything that matters, but in cash. "The Grand Lodge has always maintained a great oversight of it's constituent Lodges" said the Right Worshipful Secretary, "We keep an eye on their accounts for them and you know, tell them when they can have their own money."

But this year it was different, "Many of the Lodges we send out letters to in order to collect per capita, just didn't have it, so we devised a way that those lodges could still serve the Grand Lodge and it's officers." said the RW Secretary. This year the Grand Lodge sent out, along with the per capita notices a voucher which they could turn in at the annual communications which would allow them the opportunity to absolve the Lodge of it's debts by giving out foot massages to the Grand Lodge Officers who stand on their feet all meeting long.

When reached out for comment on this new policy, one Worshipful Master of Hipster Finch Lodge #31 said "You know, I am just glad we can do something for the Grand Lodge, sure they have all their money and ours and we can't cook green beans without their okay, but that's why their Grand Lodge and our members understand that." Another Brother, a Jr. Warden said "I'm broke, my wife and kids ate Little Caesars Pizza again last night. I applied for aid with the Grand Lodge, you know Fraternal Assistance? Well, our lodge hadn't paid up on per capita, so I was ineligible. This offers our lodge a chance to catch up and maybe, the Grand Lodge will help my family and I out.

Well, this reporter will definitely be attending the Grand Lodge's Sessions, maybe steal an officers jewel and get a good rub down, because these dogs are barkin'!

Worshipful, Dr. Chaz Nagler, Esq. 49˚ 

Friday, September 25, 2015

Shriners On Parade Mistaken for Doctor Who Fan Club

Astoria, OR--A recent Main St. parade, frequented by the town's most active social clubs and small businesses, brought out the multitude of crowds from all over the county. The local Shrine Divan marched proudly, displaying the colors, banners and of course, wearing their trademark regalia--The Fez. Smiles abound as the jolly men cruised around in their mini-corvettes. There was some disappointment however as there were only a few of the famed small cars due to the strict emission standards of the local community.

The real party started when hundreds of bystanders spotted the ocean of fezzes and assumed it was a Doctor Who Fan Club. The crowds took to the parade and the Shriners, and when asked about membership in the Doctor Who Fan Club, members of the Shrine cheerfully handed out petitions. When asked for comment, the Potentate said "...by the time they figure out what they joined, it's be too late, this will be good for membership."

One Doctor Who fan, Daniel Miles, showed real excitement for the parade saying,  "This is just so great! It's great to see all these "Whovians" out in force, I don't know what's up with those small cars though, personally I would have had a few homemade Daleks."

This is one reporter who will keep wearing his bow ties...."Don't Blink"

Worshipful, Dr. Chaz Nagler, Esq. 49˚