Thursday, March 29, 2018

Rhetorical Voices: Which way do you wear your ring?

The Past Bastard interviews random members from random lodges on random topics of Masonic importance.  

Question: Yes, it's a common question, but which way do you wear your ring?

Bob Hoggler: Secretary, Will Rogers Lodge No. 536
"What kind of question is that? When I was raised,and my grand-daddy gave me his ring, my worshipful master told me that all Masons everywhere wear it with the points just where you see mine right now. Naturally, I never questioned what he said because I figured being the Worshipful Master, he would obviously just know, right? I mean, jeez, why would anyone, anywhere else, would do it differently than how I've got it on right now?"


Derrick Talc: Senior Deacon, Ditchwater Heights Lodge No. 1667
"Funny you should mention that, because I'd been thinking about it for the last week, ever since I dropped my ring on the floor and accidentally stepped on it, 'cos I didn't have my glasses on when I was looking for it -- ever do that? Like, you know, look for something without your glasses, because you don't know if you've found it, right? Like, it should be second nature to put your glasses on, but sometimes you don't even know you don't have them on, so you just start doing something and you can't even see what you're doing, but you keep doing it anyhow, 'cos you just can't remem... I'm sorry, what?"


JR "Larry" Storch, Inner Guard, Candida Falls (Ont) Lodge No 9. 
"Oh, yeah, I gave a talk on this last month at Hamilton Lodge, just north of here. Nice bunch of guys, eh? I had some Timmie's with me on the drive up, and when I got there they had some caribou steaks and some home made poutine. Man, those boys really know their hospitality, eh? Can't wait to visit on up there again, after it warms up and thaws out a little."

Thursday, March 22, 2018

SR NMJ to communicate entirely by Twitter

Seacaucus, NJ -- Hinting via videos that there were going to be "major changes coming to the Scottish Rite in the upcoming months," the Scottish Rite NMJ announced that by the end of  this year, all official communications will be made by Twitter.

The soon to be empty SR Auditorium where the NMJ
records their video degrees to be mailed to candidates.
"It was the next logical progression," said David Glattly, 32ยบ Sovereign Grand Commander for the Northern Masonic Jurisdiction told The Past Bastard during a recent Google Hangouts interview.. "We're trying to position ourselves as the more progressive version of the Scottish Rite. The past couple of years have shown  us that Twitter is the new way to communicate, especially since they doubled their character limit."

We asked Commander Glattly if he really thought Twitter would be enough to communicate their messages.

"Most people don't have time to read any long messages anymore, so Twitter is perfect. And if we need to get into any more depth, we can easily write up a script and have one of our guys do a video. Millenials love videos."

The Past Bastard noted that the Southern Jurisdiction seemed to be doing well doing things the more traditional way, and that some NMJ members have complained about the NMJ turning itself into something very different from the original Scottish Rite

"Nonsense, the members love this," said Commander Glattly. "I mean, we're already livestreaming meetings, and we have DVDs of degree work. Our expectation is that by the end of my term, we should be able to run without any human interaction at all."

Wednesday, March 7, 2018

Maine Masons disciplined for failure to display lights

Bangor, ME - Anonymous sources have been reporting that the Grand Lodge of Maine has been disciplining Freemasons who have not been prominently displaying bumper stickers, hats, belt buckles, shirts, hoodies, jackets, and other Masonic paraphernalia.

"There's no code or regulation saying that we're supposed to," said Fred Regis, SW at LL Bean Lodge in Rockport. "In fact, there's nothing anywhere in writing, but the DDGM came into our lodge the other day and started giving everybody what-for because only half the cars had some kind of square and compass bumper sticker. Kept going on about our fraternity dying and it's up to us to get the word out there."

The Past Bastard tracked down Mark Trail, DDGM for the southeastern district. He explained that while it's not a requirement, the Grand Lodge has recently invested heavily into a public relations campaign, and had hoped that all current members would want to be on board.

"It's not like this was a surprise to the members," explained RW Trail. "The Grand lodge kicked this around for three, maybe four years, and they voted to put literally hundreds of dollars into this state-wide publicity push for new members. We're counting on the current members to help that along by displaying the square and compasses every change they get on their cars, jackets, jewelry, and any other place they can think of. With the amount of stuff available, there's no reason why every Maine Mason can't be displaying a few items."

Masons like Ed Bauer from North Face Lodge in Abercrombie disagree, however.

"It's not like we don't want new members," he told us. "The thing is, this used to be called 'The Quiet Fraternity,' and most of us who don't wear purple aprons are a little uncomfortable with these guys telling us to wear that square and compass on our lobstah bibs, or where-evah."