Thursday, April 25, 2019

Freemasons open forgotten time capsule

Dateline: Philadelphia, PA. Year: 2206 - Work crews repairing earthquake damage on the Old Pennsylvania Grand Lodge building uncovered a metal box, which they turned over the the Grand Lodge. The East Pennsylvania Grand Lodge Historian realized that they were looking at a time capsule that had been buried in 2005, and presumed lost.

Officers held a semi-public ceremony to open the box and display the contents, which presented an interesting view on the daily lives of early 21st century Freemasons.

"I have to admit, there are quite a few items here that we aren't quite sure what they were used for," said Roberto Crabs, Very Worshipful Grand Historian for the Grand Lodge of East Pennsylvania. "For example, many of these items appear to be some kind of device that we assume would help them with their ritual. We found several things called 'Palm Pilots,' which look to be a primitive ebook reader used for storing ritual. Sadly, none of them are working - they appear to run on some kind of electrical storage cell."

VW Crabs pulled out another item. "Here's another thing that Freemasons must have used a lot of. We figure it had something to do with the Stewards and food preparation because they had the name 'Blackberry' on top. Possibly devices for letting the Stewards know when the dinner was ready."

Digging through the various pins, medals, and aprons, VW Crabs told us that the pins were fairly similar to those of modern times, with the exception that they were rather static. "These old lapel pins didn't change color, play music, or do anything," he told us. "They just kind of sat on your clothes."

He showed us a thin, flat box with the words "Dell Inspiron" on the top. It opened along one hinge and had a number of alphabetical keys that reminded us of those antique cell phones in the movies. "We think that the Secretaries read the minutes from these devices," Crabs told us. "Minutes back in those days were very lengthy, so they probably needed such large and heavy storage devices for them." Then he chuckled. "Apparently not much has changed in the last few centuries."


  1. If you wanna see a time capsule, you should look at our lodge's per diem bill from GL. Some of those guys have been dead since the 20th Century.