Monday, September 6, 2021

Grand Encampment Announces Sweeping KT Uniform Updates

 Crowheart, WY -- Earlier this week, the Grand Encampment of Knights Templar of the U.S.A. issued an edict to reverse the recent approval of so-called "templar aprons" displaying the memento mori and skull and bones in favor of a uniform update of the Most Eminent Grand Master's own design. SK Joe Snow, spokeperson for the Grand Encampment, announced the news: "Given the ME Grand Master Bike Mohnson's stance that 'every Christian Mason should be a Knight Templar', he felt it was pertinent to give the the KT an option for a streamlined uniform the better encapsulates our relationship with Christ, the blameless white lamb. To that end, I am announcing a new uniform for KT everywhere which the ME Grand Master personally plans to enact immediately. Minimalist in style, the new uniform is blazing white cloth, emblematical of Christ's perfect sacrifice. It also has the benefits of being super-absorbent and easy on the wallet. Its name is 'Prevail,' which is what the ME Grand Master will do in the face of his opponents. As the ME Grand Master often says: 'While I may often forget how to think and act like a rational human being, I never forget loyalty.'"

Not all members of the Grand Encampment are thrilled with the ME Grand Master's latest sartorial decision. Several state-level Grand Commanderies have signaled the desire to form a Special Conclave to review the ME Grand Master's decision and possibly remove him from office. When asked what the ME Grand Master thought about this turn of events, SK Snow simply replied "The Most Eminent Grand Master is not concerned with the antics of 'doo-doo heads'."

While the Most Eminent Grand Master's recent actions leave The Past Bastard concerned about the future viability of the GEKT, there is perhaps one thing everyone can agree on: Adult diapers--still better than a chapeau.


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