Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Richest Grand Lodge In US Empathetic of Small Town Lodges...Says Will Accept Foot Massages In Place of Per Capita

Allentown, PA--On Friday morning, the letters went out to the hundreds of lodges across the state giving them the good news. Up until this point the Grand Lodge was the richest in the country, not in Ritual or Tradition or anything that matters, but in cash. "The Grand Lodge has always maintained a great oversight of it's constituent Lodges" said the Right Worshipful Secretary, "We keep an eye on their accounts for them and you know, tell them when they can have their own money."

But this year it was different, "Many of the Lodges we send out letters to in order to collect per capita, just didn't have it, so we devised a way that those lodges could still serve the Grand Lodge and it's officers." said the RW Secretary. This year the Grand Lodge sent out, along with the per capita notices a voucher which they could turn in at the annual communications which would allow them the opportunity to absolve the Lodge of it's debts by giving out foot massages to the Grand Lodge Officers who stand on their feet all meeting long.

When reached out for comment on this new policy, one Worshipful Master of Hipster Finch Lodge #31 said "You know, I am just glad we can do something for the Grand Lodge, sure they have all their money and ours and we can't cook green beans without their okay, but that's why their Grand Lodge and our members understand that." Another Brother, a Jr. Warden said "I'm broke, my wife and kids ate Little Caesars Pizza again last night. I applied for aid with the Grand Lodge, you know Fraternal Assistance? Well, our lodge hadn't paid up on per capita, so I was ineligible. This offers our lodge a chance to catch up and maybe, the Grand Lodge will help my family and I out.

Well, this reporter will definitely be attending the Grand Lodge's Sessions, maybe steal an officers jewel and get a good rub down, because these dogs are barkin'!

Worshipful, Dr. Chaz Nagler, Esq. 49˚ 


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