Illuminati switching to progressive line for next election cycle

Washington, D.C. - In the wake of the recent United States presidential election, the Illuminati overlords who are generally in charge of selecting the next leader of the free world have decided to take a different approach for future elections.

"Making it look like a democracy isn't easy," Past Grand Master Rip Tile adds. "Usually, the results of the election don't matter. I mean, think about why we keep the Electoral College around. But this time, we've been bamboozled. None of expected Donald Trump to actually win...and he's on our payroll!"

"So now we're switching to a system that has worked for hundreds of years in masonic lodges, the mechanism known as the 'progressive line'.  A progressive line ensures that our supreme rulers have the qualifications and time in the previous chairs to ensure a smooth transition. Yes, it encourages laziness and promotes nepotism, but what else are we going to do? A popular vote? We almost had a progressive line going with the Bushes in the past, but Jeb just couldn't learn his ritual in time."

PGM Rip Tile informs us that grooming of the officers for the 2020 elections has already begun.  The editors of The Past Bastard have it on good authority that Vermin Supreme has a transition plan, is working on his ritual, and is part of the audit comittee. Be prepared to "vote" for Vermin in the "democratic" "election" in four years.

-Knight Kadeuch, Kennedy MacFaulty, 69˚ of the Mediocre Elu