Monday, January 16, 2017

Grand Lodge of Alabama drops 'Progressive Line'

Gadsden, AL -- Emboldened by the current political climate, the Grand Lodge of Alabama voted to drop its practice of a "Progressive Line" and has urged all constituent lodges to do likewise.

"The Grand Master announced it the other day, and the rest of the officers immediately jumped onto it because it seemed so patriotic," said RW Gordon Levine, media spokesperson for the Grand Lodge. "With the recent national elections, we're seeing a return to good old conservative values, and we're taking the opportunity to clean up the progressive part of our own house."

"It's obvious to us that the 'progressives' have done nothing but raise taxes, enforce political correctness, and have resisted any objections to their philosophy," RW Levine explained. "That's why we have decided to raise our Grand Lodge per capita dues - to double them, in fact - and to use part of that money to send out little cards to all the members so they properly understand how to address our officers. We initially had some objections, but as it happened, most of those went away after we suspended the members responsible."

The Past Bastard tried to question RW Levine on their definition of "progressive," and wondered how it would affect future Grand Lodge elections.

"I don't see anything changing at all, except that after this year, we're going to call it a 'conservative line," he said.

-- Conte Calvino Gliostro