Network cancels "Dancing with the Masons"

Hollywood, CA - Freemasons around the West Coast were disappointed last week when ABC announced that it would not go forward with the proposed DWTS spin-off "Dancing With The Masons." Network spokespersons announced that preliminary showings weren't connecting with audiences, but The Past Bastard has been contacted by several anonymous sources who gave some more insight.

"First of all, you need to understand that DWTS is a very active, engaging competition, and that the guests need to be in good physical shape," one source told us. "Guests who might get winded after walking up a flight or two of stairs aren't going to manage the weeks of daily practice. Is there something about Masons that make them prone to moving slowly? If we had known that, we might have approached it differently."

Another source explained, "Also, dancing is supposed to be fun for the people watching, and for the people actually dancing. Most of your guys looked like they were doing commandery formation drills or something. Loosen up a little."

"Oh, and one more thing," added the first anonymous speaker. "Dancing is somewhat ritualistic, which is why we initially thought this might be a good fit. But when some of your guys started bringing the Eastern Star wives along, we discovered that they spent more time fighting over who would lead and who would follow, that we had to keep sending them outside to cool off. It was easier to just cancel the entire thing."