Rhetorical Voices: Does your lodge serve canned or frozen green beans with dinner?

The Past Bastard interviews random members from random lodges on random topics of Masonic importance. This week, we explore green beans, a staple at all Masonic lodge dinners. 

Question: Does your lodge serve canned or frozen green beans at your lodge dinners?

Antonio D: Past Master. Corinthian Lodge No. 357: 
"We used to serve frozen green beans, but then the freezer broke back in 2008 and old Bob Dobbs, remember him, right? Oh, yeah. Well, Bob was going to donate the freezer that he had in his basement, but then he died, right? And then his kids took the freezer, so we just never got around to replacing it."






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Kathy C: Worthy Matron, Naomi Chapter No. 24 OES:
"I'm glad you asked, because one of  our members, Clara, accidentally bought a case of canned green beans from Costco, and it looks like after three years we're finally going to be using them up by the end of June. I guess we'll have to take a vote on whether we're going to go with canned or frozen again, and we'd better start planning now."


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Kirby V: Senior Warden, Fudge Ripple Lodge No 4332:
"Yeah, umm, I don't remember since I never touch the green things on my plate, anyhow. I mean, I'll pretend to eat green beans at home when my wife cooks, but hell, the reason I go to lodge is that I get to do those unhealthy things that I can't do at home, know what I mean?"

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New Junior Warden disappointed with lack of appreciation for meal

Mason City, IA -- Earl Daneheart, the new Junior Warden at Benevolence Lodge in Mason City, was tired of the same old chicken dinners with green beans and potatoes, so he tried something new.

"I was walking through Sam's Club a couple of days before the meeting, you know? And I walked past the frozen green beans, then then I thought to myself, 'Well, this might be a nice change from those old canned beans,' so I went ahead and bought a few packages. Then I served them up with dinner at the last meeting."

Sadly, nobody seemed to notice the difference.

"Yeah, I sat there, hoping someone would notice that the green beans looked greener, or tasted better, but nope. They'all just glopped tons of butter and salt on'em like they always do," said Earl. "I mean, they ate'em, and it seemed like there was less that I tossed out, but it would have been nice if they had noticed, you know?"

Despite that, Earl is not discouraged, and plans to try something new again.

"Next month, instead of using the same old chicken spice that we always use, I'm gonna try one of those Italian spices that I saw at the grocery store. I'll bet that'll make them notice," he said.

--Conte Calvino Gliostro

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Caterers Confuse Local Lodge Members

Columbus, OH - Members of a local Masonic Lodge near Columbus, Ohio were left confused and befuddled last weekend when they were informed that the so-called catering company they had been using for Lodge dinners was in reality the local Court of the Order of the Amaranth, a Masonic appendant body. Bro. Joe Snow, Worshipful Master of Comestible Lodge No. 44, explained further: "We've used Amaranth as caterers for years. Nice ladies. Gave us the best price in town--we thought it was because their food, frankly, wasn't all that great. We kept them on because we all know, as long as there's green beans, Masons aren't picky. We couldn't believe it when someone told us they were actually a Masonic body. We had no idea."

Bro. Jonathan Doe, Senior Steward at Comestible Lodge, was left similarly puzzled by the revelation: "I guess it all makes sense. I mean, these ladies kept asking me to petition and I couldn't understand why I'd ever petition to join a catering company. I can't cook. That's why we outsource our Lodge dinners in the first place! I guess I'm going to have to figure out a way to remove that two-star Yelp! review I left them for the undercooked, under-seasoned chicken they served at last month's dinner."

Wor. Bro. Snow closed his interview with The Past Bastard by mentioning that this revelation, while confusing, won't likely cause him to change how Lodge dinners are run:"Look, the food is edible and those Amaranth ladies are nice enough. If anything, we'll probably have to pay them more now that we know they're connected to the Masons. We probably won't use them exclusively as they don't cook much outside of dry chicken and canned green beans. Our Senior Warden is trying to get us to branch out a bit more, so next month we're ordering Chinese from that 'Eastern Star' catering company down the street."

-SK Bro. Mason Burhmaster

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