Knights Templar considering bold bid for name recognition

WASHINGTON DC -- Faced with dwindling membership numbers, and little opportunity with which to draw more in, the Grand Encampment of the Knights Templar is contemplating a bold move in a bid for publicity. 

"I hate to admit, but it's true. The Knights, and by extension, the entire York Rite just doesn't get the same kind of name brand recognition that the Scottish Rite gets," said Sir Knight Bill Reingold, committee chair on membership development. "And because we don't get the name recognition, we simply don't get the kind of membership numbers that the Scottish Rite gets. It's a vicious circle; we don't get the members because we don't have the name recognition, and we can't get the name recognition until we have more members."

Picture of a group of Knights Templar
in full dress uniform.

SK Reingold explained to The Past Bastard that another issue was that the York Rite is somewhat fractured. "We have the chapters, we have the councils, and we have a few of those side degree things, but nobody wants to recognize that the Knights Templar should be the head of all of them, and so we can never get anything accomplished the way that the Scottish Rite does. I mean, they get their logo on a race car. Imagine what we could do with that kind of publicity." 

To that end, SK Reingold told The Past Bastard that the Knights have come up with a major publicity initiative to gain name recognition, and hopefully the membership to go with it.

"We noticed that some domestic terrorists have been pulling statues down. I mean, like every day, Fox had some news item about this or that guy's statue being pulled over. But the kicker was that the Scottish Rite idol Albert Pike had his statue pulled down, and now it's all everybody seems to be talking about. So, our plan is to find a well known Knight, and make a big deal about how his statue shouldn't come down, and let reverse psychology do the rest."

Unfortunately, the plan has hit a roadblock because the Knights simply can't find anyone famous from within their past ranks. 

"Look, it's a good plan, nevertheless," SK Reingold told us. "If it comes down to it, DC is full of damn statues. We can just pick one, and nobody else would even  know."

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Scottish Rite NMJ to Fund Removal of Albert Pike Memorial

Lexington, MA—A spokesman from the Education Committee of the Ancient Accepted Scottish Rite Northern Masonic Jurisdiction announced today their commitment to a progressive society, one without the oppression and constant reminders of the Civil War. In a statement from Mike Blaterhorn, “The NMJ has for years strived to rid the Scottish Rite of the stigma and hard to understand rhetoric of Albert Pike. His old antiquated ideas and exaggerated, brainy commentary on degrees are boring and with the current situation in the country, the time has come to strike.”

This comes at a time when the United States is at odds with Neo-Nazi and White Nationalist groups which have been holding rallies all across the nation at sites of Confederate Generals and Southern War Heroes, many of which are scheduled to be removed or have already been taken down. The statue of Albert Pike which stands in Washington D.C. was a recent target of anti-fascist protest, not the first time. Whilst the city council and the mayor are in favor of the statues removal, Freemasons notably Archivist for the AASR SJ, Arturo de Hoyos, were quick to point out that the Albert Pike statue in question was not erected as a Civil War memorial. It was erected as a memorial to the poet, lawyer and promoter of Native American rights.

The NMJ spokesman was further quoted as saying, “We’ve told our members here in the NMJ to forget Pike, and that he’s no longer relevant. Even though Pike’s statue isn’t truly a memorial to a Confederate general, the public has no idea. Never let a tragedy go to waste. We’re in a financial position to erase a little more of Pike’s influence by funding the removal project. We propose melting it down for scrap metal to sell off and add some capital to our Almoners Fund.

-W:., Dr. Chaz Nagler, Esq. 49˚

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