Two and a half years found turning point for Masonic newb-ness (repost)

(Note: The Past Bastard writers were accidentally swept up in an ICE raid, and are currently enjoying a vacation in Mexico. We are republishing some of their favorite articles until they return. -- the unpaid interns)

Choctaw Falls, AR -- Researchers at the United States Chamber of Freemasonry have released the results of a study which shows that the average amount of time when a new Mason thinks he knows everything is about two and a half years.

“Yes, it will vary from lodge to lodge,” explained Bro. Ledge Porter, “but generally speaking, sometime between two and three years, a Mason will suddenly believe himself to know just enough to start feeling a bit superior to the new candidates.” 

We asked about the paradox that contrasts the results of the study to the truism that Freemasonry is a lifelong learning process.

“Oh, no doubt that many of the guys don't’ actually believe that they know *everything.* But once they hit that critical juncture, they develop certain feelings of smugness that they are well advanced; in fact, enough so that they can even start making moral judgments on a new member’s behavior.”

Noting that many Masons are asked to join the officer line within their first few years, we wondered if there might be a connection.

“We haven’t seen a solid causal connection,” Porter said. “That is, we haven’t figured out if being a new officer makes one a bit of a moralizing ass, or if it takes two years in order to internalize the Masonic culture to the extent that one feels comfortable in making public corrections to the new guys.”

Porter added, “Of course, the smug satisfaction of correcting a newb in public is something that sticks with Masons throughout their Masonic career, so we don’t expect this research to lead to any cure. However, we think that this may have some usefulness, because some of those who hit this juncture are not only making judgments about new candidates, but also about older officers. We think that it may be possible, by examining such individuals, to identify future Grand Lodge officers.”

-- Conte Calvino Gliostro

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Grand Lodge of Tennessee to roll out new educational program

Gomorrah, TN -- Good news for Masonic scholars and researchers in Tennessee this week, as the Grand Lodge released a list of approved topics for study and discussion.

“We want to encourage the study of all aspects of Freemasonary,” said RWB Gavin Mavity. “So, the Grand Historian, the Grand Orator, and the other Grand Lodge officers got together and wrote up a list of topic categories  that we think are important for Freemasons to learn about.”

We asked why the Grand Lodge thought that there was a need to publish a study list.

“Well, we know that there’s a lot of nonsense and such about Freemasonary, so we decided that it would be helpful to give our members some guidance so that they didn’t study the wrong sorts of things,” said RWB Mavity.

Our preview of the list included items such as:

• Anything George Washington related
• Masonic aprons in America
• Masonic ring design
• Freemasonry in the Colonial era
• Freemasonry in the Civil War era
• Albert Pike
• Famous Masons in US history
• Famous Masonic actors
• Red Skelton’s “Pledge of Allegiance”
• John Glenn: First Freemason on the Moon
• Albert Pike

When asked why the list was so short, WB Mavity responded, “Well, first of all, we don’t want to have our members study the wrong kinds of things. That’s how you end up with those egghead types, and the next thing you know we’ll have that whole Traditional Observance thing happening here.”

Brother Red Skelton's "Pledge of Allegiance" is one
of the most popular study topics in lodges.

But won’t the members get bored with such a short topic list?

“Well, whenever I’ve been to a lodge meeting and they have somebody presenting some kind of Masonic topic, it’s almost always something interesting like aprons, rings, George Washington, or Freemasonry in history, like around the Civil War,” he said. “We figured that those must be the most interesting topics to Masons, since they come up so often. No point in having the members study things that nobody’s heard about, is there?”

The list will be available this week to the lodges around the state by the end of the week.

-- Conte Calvino Gliostro

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Study: Chambers of Reflection Provide No Rebirth

WASHINGTON - The United States Chamber of Freemasonry, a non-profit Masonic research group based in Washington, DC, has determined that there is no marked change in a candidate’s state of mind after he experiences a chamber of reflection before his initiation. “We have found that a man who petitions a lodge does not change from the moment he enters the chamber to when he begins the degree work,“ states lead researcher Frederick Larson, adding, “in fact, most find the chamber to be ‘weird’ and ‘off-putting’.” When asked what most candidates found resulted in a complete rebirth to his individual mind and soul, Dr. Larson responded, “pancakes and Masonic youth groups. It’s really that simple.”

The Honorable Reginald Farquar, XVI°

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