Thursday, January 7, 2016

Freemason Graphic Designers Form Guild to Promote Redundancy

Pine Mountain, KS -- Faced with an ongoing crisis of creativity, combined with a long-standing issues of idea plagiarism, several hundred Freemasons who are graphic designers and/or artists have formed a union in hopes to settle their differences, and get back to the business of trying to sell more products to an already saturated market.

Modeled on the old craft guilds, the union will have two classes of members, Guildmasters and Craftsmen. At this point, all of the members are Guildmasters, but that will change as other artists or designers join.

“We realized that there are only so many ways that you can put a Square & Compasses on a tie, a pin, or a T-shirt and pretend it’s original,” said GM Erroll Robertson. “We found that we spent so much time squabbling over little details that didn’t actually matter. Instead of arguing over who is stealing who’s design, we’re going to focus more on just marketing redundant designs to the rest of the Craft. If nothing else, marketing the same thing over and over again is a lot easier than trying to come up with something new and innovative. And let's face it--most of the Craft really won’t know the difference anyway.”

“Also, it’s getting more difficult for one person to come up with original pin ideas,” said GM Carlos Flynn. “We’re hoping that by pooling our talents, we can recycle a bunch of brothers' ideas for square & compasses lapel pins, two-ball canes, and all those other things that lodges like to give out to new Masons."

But the guild isn't shying away from all innovation. GM David Vivaldi, added: “We like innovation when it's easy and lucrative. Our first collaborative, innovative project is to come up with a list of Freemasonic mottos that sound deep and profound, but don’t actually mean anything after you think about them. We want to flood the market with these sayings so nobody has time to really give them any thought. Facebook seems to love those things, and they lead to a lot of T-shirt sales.”

The union, tentatively named The Freemason Graphic Designers & Artists Guild, will be announcing their mission statement as soon as they can all agree on a design for their website. GM Marvin Berry said, “It’s only been under development for a few months now, but hopefully we’ll reach some kind of agreement next year.”

-- Conte Calvino Gliostro


  1. The sad thing is; that none of the tacky old tatter that is continually reprinted and repressed and recast has seen the input of a graphic designer in 80 years. Masons are to cheap to pay for the expertise of a design or branding specialist.
    Usually the job goes to Brother Dave,who's sister's husband owns a trophy shop that also prints golf shirts.
    Dreck every time.