Monday, July 11, 2016

NC Lodge Stands Up Against State Transgender Bathroom Law, But You'll Never Guess Why

Asheville, NC - A local Masonic lodge is taking a stand against North Carolina's Public Facilities Privacy and Security Act, known colloquially as House Bill 2, which mandates that individuals may only utilize restrooms in public spaces that correspond to the sex on their birth certificate. Bro. Joe Snow, Worshipful Master of Rising Feculence Lodge No. 2, explained his rationale for letting lodge members use whichever bathroom they choose: "It all comes down to the fact that we've just been wasting a lot of time on lodge nights between dinner and meeting time by not letting our members use both restrooms. Why limit our brethren to just one bathroom when we've got two at the ready? It just doesn't make sense."

Bro. Joe further explained to The Past Bastard that this historic and progressive move has further implications beyond Masonry. "We've just got men here in lodge. They should be able to use the women's bathroom just like women at the Curves gym down the street should be allowed to use the men's bathroom. The State of North Carolina shouldn't get in the way of a sweaty woman who needs to pee; and no one at all should ever get in the way of our sweaty, 350-lb Junior Warden on chili night!"

This writer of The Past Bastard is excited to watch what other progressive trails Worshipful Joe plans to blaze throughout his year in the east, and hopes that his move toward transgender bathroom equality persists after his successor is installed. One thing we can all learn from this struggle is that when it comes to bathrooms--much like progressive lines--when you gotta go, you gotta go. 

-SK Bro. Mason Burhmaster


  1. Pitiful... you should be charged with non-Masonic conduct.

    1. Welcome back, Bro. Francis! Glad to see that you're becoming a regular! -MB