Monday, October 10, 2016

Grand Lodge Announces "Missionary Petitioning" Initiative; Open Doors to Atheists Who Pledge to Convert

Meridian, MS - Earlier today, the Grand Lodge of Mississippi announced its latest jurisdiction-wide initiative aimed at expanding membership opportunities to those who would normally be excluded from Masonic membership. Dubbed the "Missionary Petitioning Initiative," the Grand Lodge of Mississippi has officially relaxed the membership requirements of a belief in a Supreme Being...provided the petitioner pledges to convert to Christianity prior receiving his Master Mason degree.

Bro. Joe Snow, head of the Grand Lodge Committee on Membership (GLCoM), discussed his Grand Lodge's historic move with The Past Bastard: "We here on the Grand Lodge Committee on Membership were trying to think of ways we could expand our pool of potential members. We knew that admitting women would be a death sentence to the Eastern Star and Amaranth, but we realized that we have an untapped market in today's young Atheists. Of course we can't really go against the Ancient Landmarks of Masonry, which is why we had to leave in the conversion caveat. That, and bringing in new members to Freemasonry and Christianity is a win-win!"

When asked how the GLCoM came up with this initiative in the first place, Bro. Joe pointed back to that great fount of all knowledge--no, not The Holy Bible--the internet: "Well, we were thinking about how lost this generation happens to be, and I remembered reading something years ago on the internet about the 'Date to Save' initiative, a Missionary Dating operation in which a lovely young Christian lady set out to save young men by dating non-Christians and converting them to Christianity. The committee figured we could use her example to help turn Mississippi Freemasonry and the world around at the same time!" When Bro. Joe was asked why the Grand Lodge was emphasizing conversion to Christianity in particular vice simply pledging to profess a belief in a Supreme Being, Bro. Joe explained: "Look, everyone here in GAOTU's country knows that Jesus is God. There's no sense in leaving things ambiguous."

Bro. Joe was gracious enough to explain his plan to execute the Grand Lodge's initiative: "Well, we're already working on a very Christian-centered curriculum to add to our Entered Apprentice and Fellowcraft education programs. If they want their third degree badly enough, they'll sign an affidavit of conversion and we'll welcome them into the fraternity and friends and brothers! If not, well, I guess that Master Mason degree will just never get scheduled now won't it?"

-Exalted Patron Dr. Dorian Dalton


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