Thursday, October 27, 2016

Report: Evangelical cartoonist Jack Chick converts to Freemasonry on deathbed

Alhambra, CA - Jack Chick, long-time evangelical Christian, anti-Semite, anti-Catholic, anti-Muslim, anti-Mason, anti-feminist, anti-rock music, anti-kitten, anti-esotericism, anti-Harry Potter, anti-New King James Version of the Bible, anti-Dungeons and Dragons, anti-homosexual, anti-snow cone, and anti-Halloween comic book artist passed away in late October, but before doing so converted to Freemasonry, sources close to the Chick family disclosed to The Past Bastard. Josephina Snow-Chick, relative of Jack Chick, explained: "Jack's final wish was for his family to tell the world that he was right about Freemasonry all along. It is a religion, albeit one with which Jack fell more in love as he got older. At the end, he wanted everyone to know the glory of GOATU [sic]."

When The Past Bastard attempted to explain that Freemasonry was not, in fact, a religion, Ms. Snow-Chick replied: "Well, of course you'd say that! As Jack always said, 'Freemasons don't learn about Baphomet until the highest degrees!' You must just not be a good enough Mason yet."

This writer of The Past Bastard wishes Mr. Chick and his family the best during this difficult time. As of this writing, Freemasons joined together with Catholics, dungeon masters, and Lutherans to mourn his loss. Bro Jonathan Doe, former Grand Secretary of the Grand Lodge of Oklahoma lamented: "...those Chick Tracts were some of the best promotional materials this organization ever had. It's sad to think there won't be any more. It's funny really--Freemasons spent decades trying to persuade Mr. Chick that Freemasonry isn't a religion. Given Jack's self-confessed 'conversion to Freemasonry,' I guess he got the last laugh."

-SK Bro. Mason Buhrmaster