Six Flags, MO -- The Grand Lodge of Missouri announced that it will revoke recognition of other US jurisdictions that have adopted "Traditional Observance" lodges.
"It's right there in every Master and Grand Master's installation," said RWB Lee Wayne Stacey, media spokesperson for the Grand Lodge of Missouri. "You are not to allow any innovations into the body of Masonry. Yet we have a dozen Grand Masters, and who knows how many Worshipfuls of other lodges who try to introduce all these really cool sounding or awesome looking things that simply aren't part of any Freemasonry that I've ever seen."
RWB Stacey went on to point out that there was an inherent danger in introducing such elements into regular lodges. "Word gets around, and then there's all these expectations that the Freemasons are some kind of secret society, or some kind of new age brotherhood or something," he explained. "We're already seeing the fallout as new guys, and especially those millennial kids, join, then drop out when they don't see any of that stuff happening. We shouldn't be allowing none of that stuff in the first place."
While the Grand Lodge will vote on the resolution at the next Grand Convocation, the Grand Master has so far suspended relations with Colorado ("Yeah, those kooks were the first to go; I'm not at all surprised that they legalized that wacky tobacky."), California ("I don't see how any Grand Lodge continues to recognize anything west of the Rockies."), Washington, Oregon ("They're just California 'Lite', if you ask me."), Utah ("Mainly 'cos those Mormons are trying to become another branch of the York Rite, as if we need more snobby guys with titles and stuff."), and Massachusetts ("They're like the California of the East Coast; always trying something new and different.").
The Past Bastard tried to point out that some of the arcane symbols, like the Chamber of Reflection or the Skull and Crossed Bones have been used in other jurisdictions for a long time. "Yeah, foreign jurisdictions," RWB Stacey responded. "That's my point. We're trying to keep Freemasonry all-American, just the way that the Great Architect intended."
--Conte Calvino Gliostro