Grand Master has a MELTDOWN for this INSANE reason.

Waterloo, IA -- The Grand Master of Iowa recently issued a six page memorandum to all Freemasons in the state to clarify the proper way to Masonically address members of the fraternity, and requested that the membership sign and return the form on the last page, certifying that they understand the rules.

"We aren't sure what prompted this," said Bro. Leon Wayne Racy, Very Worshipful Past District Tiler. "I think that somebody said something to the Most Worshipful Grand Master during his installation, and that set him off, but I'm not sure what, since I was across the room at the bar."

Other sources at the event, however, painted a different picture, and reported to The Past Bastard with a request for anonymity.

"I was standing across from the His Excellency, The Most Worshipful Grand Master at the table with the cheese and crackers, when I saw some wet-behind-the-ears kid come up to him and shake his hand. All the kid said was "Congratulations, brother," and the next thing I knew, the Most Worshipful Grand Master was getting all red in the face. I couldn't really understand what he was saying, but it sounded like the poor kid said something wrong, and it set the Most Worshipful Grand Master off."

The Most Worshipful Grand Lodge is gearing up to make sure that the members understand how important it is to properly address their Masonic superiors by making it part of the proficiency examinations.

"While most Freemasons are aware of, and may even enjoy, the proliferation of titles and other formalities," explained Bro. Jose Nieves, Right Worshipful Grand Regional Overseer of the Work. "They can be confusing to the newer members; and especially to the younger guys who have not grown up with such finer points of etiquette. It's up to us, the guys who have been in for years, to show them the right way to do things."

EDIT: Our highly underpaid (okay, unpaid) interns were too distracted with the holiday eggnog from the office party, and submitted a picture from a lodge that had absolutely nothing to do with the Most Excellently Worshipful Grand Lode of Iowa. We have replaced that picture with a more appropriate illustration. Our interns sincerely regret the error.

-- Bro. Conte Calvino Gliostro

-- Bro. Mason Buhrmaster