MSANA to roll out Masonic insurance organization for Brethren fearing discrimination

Burtonsville, MD - The Masonic Service Association of North America (MSANA) is standing up a new organization to raise funds and assist brethren who fear they might be discriminated against by their respective Grand Lodges to the point of indefinite suspension and/or expulsion from the fraternity. The newly-christened "Masonic Insurance Association," or MIA for short, is reportedly rolling out a set of insurance policies geared toward reimbursing petition fees, degree fees, dues and, in some cases, even regalia costs.

Bro. Joe Snow, Executive Director of the MIA, sat down with The Past Bastard to discuss the organization's new campaign: "It's been an unsettling year for Freemasonry in North America. As reports of brethren being removed from the fraternity due to race, sexual preference, and even internet usage are rising precipitously across the country, we here at the MIA can't stand idly by. We can't reverse the Grand Lodge decisionmaking process--or lack thereof--but we can lessen the emotional burden on a brother facing potential discriminatory penalties by giving him an avenue to recoup the money previously spent on Freemasonry. With our help, the only thing you can't get back is your time."

Bro. Snow continued by explaining that the policies would run on a sliding scale of benefits. "Naturally, one size doesn't fit all here. Different brethren suffer from different amounts of paranoia..er...I mean concern. You'll edit out that slip of the tongue, right? Anyway, we've got plans to fit everyone's needs whether you just want your petition fees or annual dues covered up to full life memberships! Under certain circumstances, we can even do a regalia rider."

When asked how the insurance premiums would be calculated, Bro. Snow explained: "The MIA takes a wide variety of factors into account when assigning premiums. Each applicant will be required to fill out a questionnaire that polls demographic data such as race, religion, and sexual preference, as well as questions on how active a presence one maintains on social media or how much one enjoys esoteric research topics. The applicant's Grand Jurisdiction also weighs heavily. As one could guess, an applicant from volatile jurisdictions such as Arkansas or Tennessee will, on the aggregate, see higher premiums than one from California or Washington, D.C. We run those factors and more through a highly trained algorithm to compute the lowest rate possible. It's all very scientific."

When The Past Bastard asked Bro. Joe about any exceptions or limitations to these policies, he reported: "Obviously we can't insure anyone for preexisting charges or conditions, and we only insure for cases of discrimination. Finally, those seeking compensation for lost life memberships need to be aware that the value of a given life membership depreciates on a quarterly basis."

- SK Bro. Mason Burhmaster