Monday, July 3, 2017

Grand Master moves to posthumously expel George Washington

Alexandria, VA - In a shocking turn of events, The Past Bastard has learned that Most Worshipful Vermin Crook, the Grand Master of Virginia, has put forward plans to posthumously expel George Washington from membership in Freemasonry. Sources close to the Grand Lodge, who spoke to The Past Bastard on the condition of anonymity, cite the strained relationship between the Grand Lodge and one of its subordinates, namely Alexandria-Washington Lodge #22, as the catalyst for the expulsion of the most famous American Freemason who ever lived: "Ever since Most Worshipful Crook busted in and took the Lodge's charter back in April, he's been trying to root out the cause of the Lodge's so-called 'deviant' behavior," said one source, "after he forcibly removed from office the AW-22 Worshipful Master, Senior Warden, Secretary, Treasurer, Almoner, Stewards, a bunch of past masters, and two non-masons who happened to show up for dinner, the Grand Master set his sights on Bro. Washington."

When The Past Bastard asked why the Virginia Grand Master felt it necessary to press charges against Bro. George Washington, our source replied: "There we two things working against Bro. Washington at that point. First, Most Worshipful Crook felt that Bro. Washington's reckless and rebellious lifestyle, as evidenced by his fighting against the British in the American Revolution, instilled a precedent for deviant behavior on the part of his future Lodge brethren. Second, Most Worshipful Crook feels that Bro. Washington should be held responsible as the founder of AW-22. We can't really blame the Grand Master for his position--these tensions wouldn't exist had the Lodge never been founded!"

"In the end," another anonymous source stated, "the Grand Lodge was left with few options. We could have suspended him and held a Masonic trial, but we all knew he wouldn't show up for it. The Grand Master decided we needed a clean break. He is looking forward to putting this unpleasantness behind him."

The Past Bastard reached out to the Grand Lodge of Virginia for comment, but the only response we received directed us to review the Grand Lodge's "Social Media, Public Relations, Information Technology, and the Internet is the Invention of Satan and You Should Never Ever Ever Use It" Policy and, to be honest, our writers had an easier time translating Morals and Dogma into Pig Latin than we did in deciphering that tome.

-Exalted Patron Doctor Dorian Dalton


  1. Washington's "lodge" didn't even have a warrant! Give him the boot.

  2. "Crook" is the right name. Giving a bunch of perfectly honorable men the boot for "deviant" behavior without any investigation or Masonic charges just because Crook is friends with a bunch of crybaby old past-masters who complained that things weren't the same as they were 100 years ago when they joined. Another example of the future of Masonry being ruined by the old ladies who can't let go of the past and admit they'll be dead in 10 min. If they old farts don't relinquish a little and realize the old ways don't work to keep membership, Masonry will continue its slow and awkward death. Just like them.

    There was no deviant behavior. Just a bunch of grumpy old shits who want to be in power again, staged a takeover, got blackballed, butthurt, and then started crying. Wah wah wah - I want MY way wah wah... Way to go babies. Hope you get what you wanted: discord and decline.

    Good luck finding out who I am haha - I'm "close" to it all, but really not close at all.

  3. The only "deviant" behavior here is on the part of the so called Grand Lodge of VA. The aply named MW Vermin Crook has exhibited a complete lack of morality and adherence to Masonic principles in his handling of complaints by equally morally corrupt PMs. Cry babies is a kind term for these "brothers" and i use that term VERY loosely. There was no real due process. Just a sham of an investigation with a predetermined outcome. This will go down as one of the greatest deviations from the principles of Freemasonry in American history. Sheriff Crook will also go down in history as being one of the WORST Grand Masters in American Masonic history. George Washington, were he alive, would argue for the immediate removal of the "Most Worshipful" Vermin Crook not just from the GL of VA but from the fraternity itself. Down with Tyrants. Down with Vermin Crook and the entire line of Grand Lodge of VA accomplices.

  4. The deviant behavior was on the part of the Grand Lodge. The officers did nothing unmasonic or otherwise. They were removed under trumped up and absurd reasons. None of them rising to the level whereby the GM chose to suspend or expel them however. Just remove them from their offices. Why?? Because they did nothing wrong. This is because of the cry baby PMs. Toadies of the GL. Ass kissers of the GL. They and the GM demonstrated complete lack of moral compass in this matter. They have acted in the most unmasonic fashion possible and should be expelled from the fraternity for having done so. GW would have them lashed for such behavior then he would have them run out of town.

  5. Context is needed.

    After Underwood ended his year as WM, he stopped going to AW22 and moved on. He then showed up a few years later when it was AW22's turn to elect a DDGM. Underwood showed up to the lodge and demanded he be elected. The brothers of AW22 chose to elect PW Watkins to the DDGM position.

    Fast forward a year or so, Underwood submitted masonic charges against a member of GW Masonic Memorial. These charges were investigated and found to be false.

    Fast forward to the night of the charter being arrested. Underwood sat in lodge (first time in almost 10 years) and immediately after the balloting had been announced to be not-clear, he was seen texting on his cell phone. No less than 10 minutes later there was a knock on the door and the entire GL line was there. Crook took to the east and yelled at the lodge about the 10 charges the lodge had done, after an exhaustive investigation only 3 were found to be valid. Crook never did say what the three were. Crook then asked how did the ballot go and when he learned about the outcome, he lost his mind. He then physically tried to remove the charter. Underwood told the GM it was screwed on and in the end the Treasurer had to help him remove the charter because Crook was physically unable to remove the charter. After the lodge ended, Underwood made sure he told the line officers that he had seen three black balls in the box.

    No less than 48 hours after the charter had been arrested, Bible got the email from the GM that he would be the WM for the rest of the year. Underwood got an email from the GM stating that he would be the SW and that he would be the WM in 2018. Because the GM would not allow the lodge to vote in December 2017.

    Fast forward to the meeting with the officers of AW22 at the GL in May. The meeting room was set up for interrogations. The AW22 officers were seated in chairs which were lower than the chairs the GL were sitting in. The Crook stated the entire meeting would be recorded as there were microphones on the table. Behind the GM, was a rifle. It was on a table in reach of the GM but out of reach of any member of AW22. The implied threat was clear.

    Fast forward to early Jul, Underwood sends out emails to various past masters trying to gather information so he can bring charges against a PM who works at the GW Memorial.

    On July 13, the charter is returned (although it has been altered by the GL), Bible was installed as the WM and Underwood as the SW.

  6. I believe the above to be an accurate summary of events based on my understanding and having witnessed some of the events indicated. I am grappling to understand the entire situation. One thing in particular is how Crook can prevent AW22 from holding elections in December?? He will be a PGM at that point. Where in the VA Methodical Digest does it even remotely indicate he can prevent elections from occurring in a period that extends beyond his tenure??? Crook indeed. Mr. Underwood has orchestrated a nice hostile takeover. Three cheers for the two most un-exemplary examples of Masons in the North American Continent.

  7. I actually spoke to Mr. Underwood about this whole mess. He admitted to me that he had been a driving factor in creating this situation.

    He admitted he lied to Crook and that it was all for the greater good of VA Masonary. He told me I could post this message, because "no one would believe it". After all, he is the DDGM and as such, who would anyone try to bring up charges to?

    The most disturbing matter was with the glee he spoke with when he mentioned that he nor Bible have a Warden's certificate. They were unable to actually help in any manner in the degree work. He said this is how he is going to "mentor" the junior members.

    Underwood said he has been assured that he is going to be the next WM for AW22 and there is nothing anyone can do. Crook has put something in effect which can make this happen, when I asked what it was. Underwood smiled and told me "you'll see"

    I have spent several sleepless nights over this matter. In the end, I have sent my letter to demit from VA prior to posting this.