Monday, January 1, 2018

Lodge offers lowest dues in country; switches to service-based pricing model

Dallas, TX - A local Lodge is making waves by offering the lowest Masonic dues rate in the entire country and switching to a fee-for-service or microtransaction business model popularized by corporations like Southwest Airlines and Electronic Arts. Bro. Joe Snow, Worshipful Master of Parsimonious Lodge No. 10, spoke to The Past Bastard about his radical new plan to make Masonry available to and affordable for everyone: "It's simple. You pay for what you want. Our dues are a flat $5.00 per year. If you want to come to meetings, you pay a fee per meeting. If you want an apron at that meeting, it's an extra fee. If you'd like to get priority seating in Lodge, there's an upsell for that as well. You pay for what you want. No More."

When The Past Bastard asked Wor. Bro. Snow how the Lodge intended to track all of the transactions that would be taking place, he replied that the Lodge would be taking inspiration from Starbucks' business model: "It's easy, really. Starbucks has a 'gold card.' Parsimonious No. 10 will have a 'blue card' coded to each individual member. Members can pre-load it with money or link it to a credit card or paypal account--as an extra upsell, of course. Members will conduct all their transactions off of that card. We'll still let them pay the secretary directly, but that option will cost them."

Wor. Bro. Snow was kind enough to pass a full Parsimonious Lodge No. 10 service list to The Past Bastard. It has been reprinted below:

Parsimonious Lodge No. 10 Offered Services*

Annual Dues - 5.00 USD**
Parsimonious No. 10 Blue Card, Pre-loaded with 50.00 USD - 65.00 USD
Blue Card Link to Credit Card/Paypal (per account) - 10.00 USD
Secretary Direct-payment Fee (per occurrence) 5.00 USD
Dues Card - 1.00 USD
Dues Card Mailed to Residence - 4.00 USD
Meeting Fee - 10.00 USD
Masonic Education/Speaker Meeting Upsell - 10.00 USD
Guest Apron Rental (per meeting) - 5.00 USD
Tiler's Protection Fee (per meeting) - 2.50 USD
Chaplain's Divine Blessing Fee (per meeting) - 2.50 USD
Lodge Attendance Register Book Usage Fee - 0.50 USD
Master's Administrative Oversight Fee (per meeting) - 1.50 USD
Steward's Cleaning Fee (per meeting) - 7.50 USD
Brotherly Fellowship Fee (per meeting) - 2.00 USD
Lodge Stairwell Usage Fee (per occurrence) - 0.25 USD
Lodge Elevator Usage Fee (per occurrence) - 0.75 USD
Dinner Fee - varies
Cutlery/Utensil fee - 5.00 USD
Trestleboard (electronic) - 1.25 USD
Trestleboard (mailed) - 5.00 USD
Coat Rack Fee (per meeting) - 2.50 USD
Bathroom Usage Fee (per occurrence) - 1.50 USD
Bathroom Usage Fee (per occurrence on Chili Night) - 10.00 USD
Priority Lodge Entry (per meeting) - 15.00 USD
Priority Lodge Seating (per meeting) - 10.00 USD
Name Recorded in Lodge Minutes - 25.00 USD
Copy of Secretarial Correspondence (electronic) - 2.00 USD
Permission to Speak in Lodge (per occurrence) - 1.00 USD
Permission to Speak in Lodge (per occurrence, if member is irritating) - 5.00 USD
Permission to Make Announcement in Lodge - 1.00 USD
Permission to Make Announcement in Lodge (if recruiting for appendant body) - 10.00 USD
Cell Phone Ring Fee (per occurrence during meeting) - 25.00 USD
Lodge Lapel Pin - 10.00 USD
Lodge Name Badge - 15.00 USD
Photo with Lodge Officers - 10.00 USD
E-mail Address on Lodge E-mail Distribution List - 5.00 USD/year
Access to Lodge E-mail Distribution List - 30.00 USD/year
Access to Lodge Restricted Facebook Group - 5.00 USD
Event or Announcement Highlighted on Lodge Public Facebook Page - 10.00 USD
Picture Tag in Facebook Post (per photo) - 1.00 USD
Selfie with Grand Master During Grand Lodge Visitation - 50.00 USD
Grand Master Autographed Photo During Grand Lodge Visitation - 100.00 USD
Shake Hands with Master (per occurrence) - 2.50 USD
Name on Officer Election Ballot - 5.00 USD Credit to Blue Card
Election as Officer - 30.00 USD Credit to Blue Card
Birthday Phone Call from Master - 5.00 USD
Birthday Text from Master - 1.50 USD
Transportation to/from Lodge - 1.00 USD/mile

*Price subject to availability. List not exhaustive.
**Dues fee includes one Secretary-initiated correspondence with the Grand Lodge of Texas denoting member as a Mason in good standing.

This writer for The Past Bastard would have wished the brethren of Parsimonious Lodge No. 10 the best in their future microtransaction-driven Lodge experiences, but Wor. Snow informed him that doing so would incur fees.

-SK Bro. Mason Buhrmaster


  1. Bathroom toilet paper, per square - 0.05 USD

  2. Can my Blue Card be on the Blue Card App so I don't have to carry an actual card? Also make sure to send me the notifications on double square and compass nights where I can earn 2X rewards per transaction.