Wednesday, December 12, 2018

Virginia Lodge blackballs a well known public figure

Alexandria, VA - Anonymous sources in the Grand Lodge of Virginia have leaked information to The Past Bastard about a particular lodge in Alexandria that has blackballed a candidate. While this bit of information wouldn't  normally attract any attention (it's Virginia, after all), further investigation showed that the petitioner, Santa Claus, was actually blackballed by XXX-XXX Lodge No. XXX.

Cute jokes about Santa Claus being a Freemason
will soon stop in Virginia, after members of a
certain lodge blackballed the petition.
Assuring confidentiality, The Past Bastard contacted several of the members about this. They agreed to meet with The Past Bastard at an undisclosed Starbucks to give us more information.

"Yes, it's true," one member admitted. "While most of our members were happy about Santa Claus joining, a few old timers were pretty against the idea.  But, to be fair, there were plenty of extenuating circumstances. For one thing, it's not clear that he's actually a resident of Virginia. I mean, we have lots of politicians who live around here, and they get a pass, but this guy doesn't seem to have any one particular address. And the address we do have for him, is, well, you know."

Another member agreed, and added, "Yeah, but that wasn't the real reason he was blackballed. The real reason was because some of the guys learned that his actual name was Niko, and he was originally from Turkey. So, they  had some concerns that he might secretly be a Muslim terrorist, and started a whisper campaign to get the others to blackball him. It's against the rules to publicly discuss someone, but we all  know that Masons can't hold a secret to save their lives."

The Past Bastard asked the group if the petitioner's long history of being associated with Christmas wasn't enough to deflect those opinions.

"Yeah, a couple of us did mention it. Quietly, you know, because of the rules and all that. But oddly, it just seemed to make it worse. I mean, the guy has no work history -- how does he afford to live on a part time job? Hell, how does he even get paid, right?"

"Yeah, and that brought up another question," another member told us. "He's got all these elves, right? That sounds to us like he's getting an under-the-table income, and paying a bunch of illegals." He looked around, and a few of the group reluctantly nodded. "I mean, I'm sorry, but that's just not a good look. We don't really want to be associated with that kind of thing, if you get my drift."

Before we parted ways, one of the members told The Past Bastard, "The sad part is that even if he gets this stuff cleared up, we'll have to wait at least a year before he tries to petition again, and I doubt that any members of the lodges around here would go for it. I wrote him a little note suggesting that he might have an easier time if he applied to a lodge in San Diego. California has some pretty lax rules, so they probably wouldn't mind a quasi-homeless guy who's friendly with illegals."

The Past Bastard notes that this would not be the first time that well known figures have been denied entry to a lodge.


  1. You forgot to mention an extensive history of breaking and entering, not honoring FAA flight regulations, and breaking out of jail as depicted in several movie accounts!

  2. Yeah, that and the GL wasn't thrilled about his Delayed Registration of Birth - 700 years old? C'mon...