Monday, October 16, 2017

Lodge turns to psychedelics to enhance Masonic experience

Memphis, TN - A local Masonic Lodge has turned to psychotropic substances in an effort to enhance its members' Masonic experiences. Worshipful Brother Joe Snow, Master of Acacia-Ayahuasca Lodge No. 9, suggested his Lodge members imbibe Dimethyltryptamine (also known as "DMT") prior to Lodge meetings in order to make meetings more tolerable.

According to Wor. Bro. Joe Snow, "...our Lodge meetings are dreadfully dull. We pay the bills, listen to committees, and read the minutes. Almost nobody comes anymore. When I saw the success Colorado had in using psychotropic drugs to bolster attendance at pancake breakfasts, it gave me an idea. All these books are coming out about how this DMT stuff used to be used in Masonic rituals way back when, and I decided that, if anything, we here at Acacia-Ayahuasca could use it to distract our members from how boring our meetings are. With DMT, we open the Lodge, take a trip, and the effects start to wear off right as we're about to close. Neither my secretary nor I can comment on whether attendance has increased because of this experiment, mostly because we can't remember what happened during most of the meeting, but I'm confident that it's been a raving success!"

When The Past Bastard inquired as to why Wor. Bro. Snow didn't just expend effort to make Lodge meetings more interesting, he replied: "Sure, we could dump a bunch of time and energy into Lodge education programs or guest speakers, but our brethren start to get twitchy if the meeting lasts longer than an hour. Besides, we can't not read the minutes! It's been a tradition as long as the Lodge has been around! It's just plain easier to let each brother embark on his own 'special Masonic journey' during our meetings than to demand they learn something new in the name of Masonic education."

-SK Bro. Mason Burhmaster

1 comments:

  1. Rave Night at The Lodge. Don't forget your Chem Lights!

    ReplyDelete