Monday, October 23, 2017

Big changes coming to the Northern Masonic Jurisdiction, and you'll never guess what they are!

Lexington,  MA - Scottish Rite members have been on the edge of their seats since the Northern Masonic Jurisdiction began pushing out cryptic videos last month. These videos tease something just around the corner, “Not just a man, a Mason” fades in and out. The words, “We’ve done a lot of Historic things…” and “The Story continues...” flash across the screen. The anticipation was just too much for us here at The Past Bastard, so we sent one of our faithful reporters on assignment to the NMJ to get the scoop on what's really going on up in Lexington, MA:

Reporting for The Past Bastard, I met an informant recently in the parking garage of a local shopping mall, who went by the name of “Shallow Throat.” What our informant revealed about the big plans and the videos that the Northern Masonic Jurisdiction has been pushing--which have been shared tens of times--was shocking. “We’ll see ourselves differently…” our informant began, "and NMJ members certainly will when they announce that the NMJ will formally announce a full blown re-dedication to the Pike Scottish Rite ritual, for starters."

According to Shallow Throat, the NMJ has suffered widespread criticism related to its constant changes for far too long. "The Northern Masonic Jurisdiction has decided to listen to its 'most intelligent members' and revert back to the core mission of being the "College of Freemasonry." I asked more about what was to come, and to my amazement, our informant dropped the following bombshell:

"Women." Shallow Throat stated plainly. I stared in disbelief. When I asked for further clarification on whether or not women were going to gain admission into the NMJ, Shallow Throat answered: "Well, not quite. Instead, the 33rds up in Lexington are planning to create a Scottish Rite spin-off for ladies called 'The Knights of KaDeuche.' But that's not all," our informant continued, "...these changes are all just a setup for the biggest change of them all--the proposal of a merger with the Southern Jurisdiction."

My blood ran cold. I asked our informant to clarify, to make sure I hadn't misheard. The informant went on, “The reason why Lexington has been hoarding money for so long, and deliberately choosing not to spend it on education or publications is because there's already a repository for those things in the House of the Temple in DC. If the Southern Jurisdiction agrees to the merger, the NMJ is ready to front the money to completely restore the House of the Temple so it can continue to provide light for all."

So, there you have it. When the NMJ finally releases the news, try to act I didn’t already tell you what was going to be announced. 

-W:. Dr. Chaz Nagler, Esq. 49˚