Thursday, November 5, 2015

"Special" Pancakes Bring in Record Donations at Colorado Lodge

Climax, CO--Phoenix Lodge #167 broke donation records this past weekend after word got out that they would be serving "special" pancakes at their upcoming Saturday morning pancake breakfast fundraiser. As of 7:00AM Saturday, a line of hungry Coloradoans eager to sample the lodge's culinary wares stretched around the block. Many patrons sported bloodshot eyes, most likely from getting up early, The Past Bastard concludes.

The lodge enjoyed resounding success that continued on throughout the morning, especially due to repeat customers who couldn't get enough of the fellowship and atmosphere. A few newcomers even expressed great interest in seeing the Lodge's "blazing" star in the Lodge room. When asked what makes Phoenix Lodge's pancakes so irresistible, Senior Steward Jay Highly bluntly stated, "it's a Masonic secret."  

Similar fundraising successes have been reported in lodges holden under the Grand Lodge of Washington D.C., but rarely in other jurisdictions. While Phoenix Lodge succeeded in raising enough money to finance its new organic greenhouse, opening up the lodge to the public resulted in a missing pot of incense. Notwithstanding, The Past Bastard hopes other lodges throughout the country adopt the lessons learned by these "highly successful" Masonic fundraising entrepreneurs.

-Knight Kadeuch, Kennedy MacFaulty, 69˚ of the Mediocre Elu


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