Maine Masons disciplined for failure to display lights

Bangor, ME - Anonymous sources have been reporting that the Grand Lodge of Maine has been disciplining Freemasons who have not been prominently displaying bumper stickers, hats, belt buckles, shirts, hoodies, jackets, and other Masonic paraphernalia.

"There's no code or regulation saying that we're supposed to," said Fred Regis, SW at LL Bean Lodge in Rockport. "In fact, there's nothing anywhere in writing, but the DDGM came into our lodge the other day and started giving everybody what-for because only half the cars had some kind of square and compass bumper sticker. Kept going on about our fraternity dying and it's up to us to get the word out there."

The Past Bastard tracked down Mark Trail, DDGM for the southeastern district. He explained that while it's not a requirement, the Grand Lodge has recently invested heavily into a public relations campaign, and had hoped that all current members would want to be on board.

"It's not like this was a surprise to the members," explained RW Trail. "The Grand lodge kicked this around for three, maybe four years, and they voted to put literally hundreds of dollars into this state-wide publicity push for new members. We're counting on the current members to help that along by displaying the square and compasses every change they get on their cars, jackets, jewelry, and any other place they can think of. With the amount of stuff available, there's no reason why every Maine Mason can't be displaying a few items."

Masons like Ed Bauer from North Face Lodge in Abercrombie disagree, however.

"It's not like we don't want new members," he told us. "The thing is, this used to be called 'The Quiet Fraternity,' and most of us who don't wear purple aprons are a little uncomfortable with these guys telling us to wear that square and compass on our lobstah bibs, or where-evah."