COGMNA DECLARES RED SKELTON FLAG PIN TO BE 4TH GREAT LIGHT (repost)

(Note: The Past Bastard writers are currently undergoing colonic irrigation therapy. 
We are republishing some of their favorite articles until they return. -- the unpaid interns)

Burbank, CA -- The members of the Conference of Grand Masters of North America voted to adopt a new symbol of Freemasonry for the entire North American continent, based on a recent lapel pin seen on Facebook.

The pin, designed on Etsy earlier this year, shows Brother Red Skelton in his Klem Kadiddlehopper tuxedo on a background of an American flag. The words "One Nation Under God" are displayed in a banner above his head.

"We can't think of a more fitting way to signify what Freemasonry stands for," said WB John Lee Hooker, media spokesperson for the 2016 COGNMA conference. "The pin is meant to evoke Brother Red's speech from his 1960s television show - you know, the one where he goes through the entire 'Pledge of Allegiance' word by word and explains how patriotic and religious it is to the audience. There probably isn't a lodge in existence that doesn't use a video of that for one of its Masonic Education programs."

Indeed, the writers at The Past Bastard are intimately familiar with the video, having seen it multiple times over the years. However it did raise some questions, which we presented to WB Hooker.

"Well, yes, we did  have some pushback on making this symbol for the entire continent," he admitted, "More specifically, a few of the Canadian provinces and Mexico had some objections to making this an official symbol, but they were heavily outvoted by most of the Grand Lodges of the US."

Most of the members?

WB Hooker explained "Well, California also objected, but you know how they are out there. I think that Oregon might have objected, and surprisingly New York, as well. I don't understand it, but the overwhelming number of states and provinces voted for the symbol, so we expect to be rolling it out for 2017."

Wait, provinces?

"Oh yes, Nova Scotia and New Brunswick voted for adopting the pin, and so, I think, did Prince Edward Island, which is essentially part of Maine, anyway."

The 2016 Conference of Grand Masters has been drafting up a number of regulations and position papers, which they expect to be presenting at the upcoming 2017 conference on how the symbol and pins should be displayed, and whether they should augment or simply replace the Square & Compasses.

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Young Mason collects pictures of Square & Compasses, instead of lapel pins

Barlow, KY --Some Masons collect bumper stickers, car decals, lapel pins, or other such paraphernalia. However, one Mason in this small Kentucky town is collecting something else.

"Oh, I'd say that I should hit the ten thousand mark pretty soon," said Mark Masters, of Paducah-Kroger Lodge. "I've got an online photo album where I've got them cataloged by area, type, and a few other factors."

Brother Mark collects pictures; more specifically, pictures of Masonic emblems that he has run across in his travels as a delivery driver.

"They're all labeled and numbered so I don't accidentally list the same one twice.," he told us. "That happened a few times when I first started this, and it made me so mad."

Brother Mark got the idea when he noticed how may times he would drive by a car with a square & compasses decal, or a similar design on a building, or on a statue.

It's easy to spot Masonic decals like this on
the backs of many cars.

"I started to just take pictures of them, you know? Like, I'd be driving down the street, and I'd spot a square & compass design on a building, so I'd pull over and take a picture. Or I'd be sitting at a light, and see a car with a "To be one ask one" bumper sticker, so I'd take a picture. One time I was at a funeral, and I saw a while bunch of gravestones with them. I got a lot that day," he told us.

So, why does he take pictures instead of buying a lapel pin?

"Oh, it's way cooler to see these things out in the wild," he told us. "Like, it's the surprise factor or something. You're driving along, just listening to some tunes, and out of the corner of your eye you spot one. It's like bird watching or something, only better."

"But I have to admit, though, that it does get more difficult to find new ones. It's like I'm exhausting the supply, or something. I'm hoping that I don't have to move to another part of the state," he said.

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George Washington Masonic Memorial To Add New Museum Wing

Alexandria, VA -- Officials at the George Washington Masonic Memorial have announced plans to open another wing at the museum, to feature the various collections of Masonic Square & Compasses pins that they have acquired over the last few years.

“It’s amazing, but people all over the US, and other parts of the world keep sending us different pins and medals that they keep finding,” Mike Taggart, Director of Museum Collections told The Past Bastard. “Usually they tell us it was something they discovered in their grandfather’s basement, or in a box their uncle gave them, or something they found somewhere. We’ve amassed a rather large collection of these, and we decided that they needed their own display area.”

Site of the planned wing of the
George Washington Masonic Memorial
which is being built to display the vast
collection of pins the museum has amassed.

The new wing will accommodate several thousands of pins, lapel pins, and chest medals the Museum has received. Volunteers are already working on cataloging them for the display areas.

The Past Bastard asked Taggart if they thought pins warranted an entire wing.

“Oh, definitely,” he told us. “Why, we get literally hundreds of visitors a year, and almost all of them are Freemasons who are wearing lapel pins of some sort. We all know that Masons are crazy about pins, so this wing will probably double our visitor count over the next few years.”

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Federal Dept. of Fraternal Societies releases marketing data

Aurora, CO -- Officials at the Federal Department of Fraternal Societies have released new data that show the relative “masonicness” of popular items purchased by Freemasons. The information will be helpful for marketers in Masonic supply catalogs  in order to properly manage their buying and advertising resources.

“It’s hard to keep up with the trends of Freemasons, sometimes,” said Luther Pendragon, Masonic Marketing Director at Macoy Masonic Supply. “Some years they go crazy for colored lapel pins. Then those fall out of favor, and we’re stuck with a warehouse full of pins, while the guys are sporting Square and Compass belt buckles, or whatever. That’s why this government research is important to us.”

The Past Bastard checked in with several other Masonic suppliers. Larry George, Masonic Purchasing Manager at JP Luther & Co told us “Freemasons tend to be fickle or faddish, but we do see the same things that top the lists. For example, a few years ago, everybody was wearing colored, oversized lapel pins. Lapel pins are still high on the charts, but the style is now headed toward a smaller, more subdued look.”

Brian McCoy, Advertising Director at Harry Klitzner Fraternal Supply, told The Past Bastard “We found that it was a losing proposition to try to keep up with the trends. In the last ten or fifteen years, we’ve concentrated on the basics, things like money clips, tie pins, cufflinks, the old standbys.”

The Past Bastard asked if they didn’t have a problem selling items associated with older men.

“Aw, hell no,” McCoy told us. “It’s a slow, but steady income, and the profit margin is twice what they get on those trendy pins and things. Hey, one of our biggest Christmas items was a Zippo lighter with a compasses on it. People aren’t even smoking, but they want to look cool, and a plastic Bic ain’t cutting it, if you know what I mean.”

The Past Bastard has contacted the Federal Department of Fraternal Societies in order to get a copy of the data, but as of publication, has not yet received the report.

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New Mason disappointed by lack of interest in his collection

Wheeling, WV - Like a lot of new Freemasons, Brian MaCoy immediately started collecting pins, rings, and other paraphernalia related to the gentle Craft. Unfortunately, his wife failed to share his enthusiasm, so he generally brings them into lodge to show the other guys his latest acquisition.

"I found this pin on some Ebay store," he explained to The Past Bastard, "It's a copy of some pin that was popular in the late 1960s, early 1970s, although you can tell it's not original, 'cos the gripper things in the back ain't real brass, they're just some kind of cheap metal that's been plated. The real ones had brass,' cos they were still being made here in the states."

"Anyhow, I brought this pin into lodge last Tuesday to show everyone, and it was like nobody even cared,"  Bro. MaCoy said. "That is, a few of the guys were polite and all, and a couple of them picked it up and looked at the back, but it was like it was just another pin or something to them, you know? Like, I tried to explain about the detailing on the enamel, and how the original had an embossed instead of raised scale on the square, but I could tell that none of the guys really cared about that."

The intern reporter for The Past Bastard mentioned to Bro. MaCoy that it must have been a disappointment.

"I've been trying to bring a few things to every meeting for the last couple of years" Bro MaCoy said, "and I try to go into as much detail as possible about the history the design, and even the manufacturing if I can. Everybody seemed real interested at first, but now they kind of, you know, just act polite for a few minute, and then wander off to get more coffee and donuts."

Bro. MaCoy wasn't entirely discouraged, though.

"I guess some of these guys just ain't interested in pins, anymore," he told us. "That's why I've been collecting old Tyler swords, and I'm about ready to start bringing some of those things in. I'll bet everyone will be just dying to learn about all the differences between the Wilkinson and the Toledo blades."

Bro. MaCoy began explaining the differences in sword manufacturing to our intern, but our intern claimed that his phone battery was on 3% and had to cut the call short.

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New survey PROVES what makes a better Freemason. You'll never guess the secret.

New Haven, CT -- A new survey by leading poll researchers at Quinnipiac College proves what many people have long suspected about Freemasons. 

"I know it seems logical, but sometimes you need the data to back up belief," said RW Carmen Sandiego, Chairman of the Grand Lodge Masonic Research Committee. "We contacted one of the best known survey companies in the northeast, and pitched the idea to them. We spent maybe six months on this, and while we weren't totally surprised by the results, at least when somebody points it out, we can nod in agreement."

The Quinnipiac Survey Center contacted Freemasons in twenty different states across the US, and after they compiled the data, announced the result. 

"Oh, there's no question about it," explained Naomi Ruth, head of the newly founded Fraternal Organization Research department. "The more pins and medals one has, the more 'Masonic' a Freemason one becomes." 

She went on to explain: "There's a definite correlation between how many pins and related paraphernalia one acquires over the years, and how 'good' a Freemason you are. The best Masons have literally dozens of pins, many of which they can display right on their jackets."

RW Sandiego added, "There were a few other factors, like how many appendant bodies one belongs to, but since those bodies also supply pins, then it seemed to confirm our findings even more."

-- Conte Calvino Gliostro

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Masonry fuels his passion... for collecting

Latrobe, PA - Carl "Crackers" Graham knows all about the need to subdue one's passions. But it's obvious he ignores that. 

"Collecting Masonic memorabilia is my life," he told us. "It's a great way to connect with people across distance and time."

Carl became interested in Freemasonry after going through his grandfather's effects after his passing several years ago. "I found all these pins and badges hidden in a box, and discovered that they all had something to do with Freemasonry. So, I joined the lodge here in town, and right after I was raised, I started collecting my own set."

Over the last five years, Carl, who has never been an officer, has collected sixty three different rings. "The most I've been able to wear at one time was thirteen. I know it's an odd number, but my fingers were starting to swell up." He has also managed to collect three hundred and fourteen Grand Master's pins from forty six different states. "You'd think that Alaska or Hawaii would have been the hardest, but they were pretty cool. Arkansas and West Virginia didn't respond to any of my emails, I'm not sure why." 

A portion of the basement storage
for Carl's collection of
Masonic items. 

He has also managed to collect a variety of Masonicly marked pendants, golf ball markers ("I can't believe there would be so many different ones."), pens, paper weights ("I'm guessing these were more common before the days of air conditioning."), and surprisingly, a stapler. 

The Past Bastard asked him about clothing. "Naw, I don't bother with that. Hoodies, tee shirts, jackets, those are pretty common. I mean, I have a Loyalhanna No. 275 polo shirt, but that's because they give those to you when you join. I prefer to keep my collecting to less common items."

Carl says that he spends a lot of time, energy, and of course, money on collecting Masonic trinkets. "Yeah, I estimate that I've spent about eight, maybe nine thousand dollars on all these items," he said as he showed us his basement full of storage cabinets. "I spend a few hours on Ebay every night, looking for odd things. And I probably spend several more hours every weekend, unpacking cataloging, and filing those things away."

Ironically, with the amount of time and money spent on his hobby, Carl rarely attends lodge anymore. "Yeah, the last time I went, a couple of years ago, it was to protest a fifteen dollar a year dues increase from $75 up to $90," he told us. "I mean, do those guys think the rest of us are made of money?"

-- Conte Calvino Gliostro 

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COGMNA declares Red Skelton Flag Pin to be 4th great light

Burbank, CA -- 

The members of the Conference of Grand Masters of North America voted to adopt a new symbol of Freemasonry for the entire North American continent, based on a recent lapel pin seen on Facebook.

The pin, designed on Etsy earlier this year, shows Brother Red Skelton in his Klem Kadiddlehopper tuxedo on a background of an American flag. The words "One Nation Under God" are displayed in a banner above his head.

"We can't think of a more fitting way to signify what Freemasonry stands for," said WB John Lee Hooker, media spokesperson for the 2016 COGNMA conference. "The pin is meant to evoke Brother Red's speech from his 1960s television show - you know, the one where he goes through the entire 'Pledge of Allegiance' word by word and explains how patriotic and religious it is to the audience. There probably isn't a lodge in existence that doesn't use a video of that for one of its Masonic Education programs."

Indeed, the writers at The Past Bastard are intimately familiar with the video, having seen it multiple times over the years. However it did raise some questions, which we presented to WB Hooker.

"Well, yes, we did  have some pushback on making this symbol for the entire continent," he admitted, "More specifically, a few of the Canadian provinces and Mexico had some objections to making this an official symbol, but they were heavily outvoted by most of the Grand Lodges of the US."

Most of the members?

WB Hooker explained "Well, California also objected, but you know how they are out there. I think that Oregon might have objected, and surprisingly New York, as well. I don't understand it, but the overwhelming number of states and provinces voted for the symbol, so we expect to be rolling it out for 2017."

Wait, provinces?

"Oh yes, Nova Scotia and New Brunswick voted for adopting the pin, and so, I think, did Prince Edward Island, which is essentially part of Maine, anyway."

The 2016 Conference of Grand Masters has been drafting up a number of regulations and position papers, which they expect to be presenting at the upcoming 2017 conference on how the symbol and pins should be displayed, and whether they should augment or simply replace the Square & Compasses.

-- Conte Calvino Gliostro

Read More