Washington, DC—A spokesman for the Southern Jurisdiction of the
Ancient Accepted Scottish Rite announced over the weekend at a sold out charity
event the plans to clone Albert Pike in order to produce a truly successful
Scottish Rite podcast. The multi-million dollar project will be paid for by the
Celebrate the Craft event and its success will ride solely on contributors to
the campaign.
With laudable attempts such as The Life Masonic and The Tyler’s
Place, which have ultimately failed to gather any continued steam after their
initial launch, the Supreme Council hopes that their new show hosted by the cloned Albert Pike will provide that
missing element for audio endeavors of Scottish Rite masons wheresoever dispersed.
“Look, it’s no secret the SJ has been glorifying Albert Pike
and riding his coattails since he died.” Said Brother John Falafel, 32˚ and a member of the Valley of Washington Scottish Rite. “He will bring balance to the craft and provide meaningful content
while at the same time providing a voice for endless plugs for his own show.”
"The process will involve a series of careful steps which the
organization has been careful to lay out." Brother Falafel continued, "Everything will start with a careful exhumation
of his [Pike’s] remains which have been in the House of the Temple for over
seventy years. After that they will attempt to extract DNA from a tooth,
assuming they can find one. The DNA samples will then be taken to a laboratory in
Washington where the growing process will begin."
Daniel Waters a chief scientist who has signed on to the
project pro bono said “It will be a delicate process. We will need to
decelerate the growth at just the right time so that we have Pike in his prime.
Too soon and he won’t have the credibility with older members, too long and we
risk getting a crotchety old bastard.”
Although the just-announced project is still a year away from any CTC
fundraising revenue, work on extraction will soon be under way, explained Brother Falafel: “With the
crumbling walls of the House of the Temple, it should be relatively easy to pull down the edifice
surrounding the remains.”
The countdown to the best Masonic podcast ever is underway
and this reporter, can’t wait. The Exalted Masonic Hour of Power with Albert
Pike is set to start casting on January 2017.
--Worshipful, Dr. Chaz Nagler, Esq. 49˚
We attended an event here this past Sunday & had an awesome experience from beginning to end. The San Francisco venues served great food and the salad I had for dinner was delicious. The service also was impeccable.
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