Masonic Alien Implants Interfere with Critical Thinking Skills

Denver, CO--New research at Denver International Airport Medical Laboratories has shown indications that the alien-technology implants given to new Master Masons may interfere with the area of the brain that is used for critical thinking skills. The accidental discovery was made only in recent weeks, despite the evidence that was readily available in the mandatory census charts required by every major Grand Lodge.

The process remains a mystery, although some preliminary investigation suggests that the implants - donated decades ago by the Zeta Reticulans as a gesture of peace - may interfere with the electrical signals in that area of the brain, resulting in atrophied use of those synapses.

The discovery has also led to questioning the atrophy in the area of the brain that controls the sense of humor in Past Masters, District Officers, and Grand Lodge Officers. Masonic historians, however, have pointed out that records going back several centuries indicate that the sense of humor often atrophies in Past Masters, and that the phenomena predates the use of implants.

-Bro. Conte Galvino Gliostro