Thursday, November 19, 2015

Grand Master Combats Membership Decline with Edict Banning Creativity

Fargo, ND--Most Worshipful Joe Snow, Grand Master of North Dakota, has issued an edict banning creativity and innovation in lodges across the grand jurisdiction, reportedly to combat a decades' long decline in Masonic membership. Among other items, the edict cites tradition as a supreme fraternal unifying force and mandates that tradition be adhered to in its entirety.

In speaking to The Past Bastard, MW Snow stated: "We've got a real problem here in Masonry. If we don't do something about declining membership, we're gonna die out. Back in the 40's when I first became a Mason, we practically couldn't keep up with all the petitions coming through our doors--and our lodge didn't even have a telephone! Much less this social media stuff." MW Snow continued, "...if we're going to return to the glory days of Masonry--especially as it was during my year as Master in 1952--we need to get back to our roots. No more of this internet nonsense. No more hokey philosophy-centric educational programs. Only when we've truly embraced our tradition of spaghetti dinners and good old boy networks will we return to our golden age as a fraternity."

When questioned on the sustainability of his policies, MW Snow seemed certain they would endure: "Of course this edict is going to endure! I've received written statements of support from each of my Grand Line officers that they'll continue it after my year." When asked about the prospect of bringing a younger demographic into the Grand Line, MW Snow scoffed: "Give 'em 20-30 years. Then they'll be ready. That is, if they've had their turn as a district-wide officer by then."

-SK Bro. Mason Burhmaster


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