Monday, November 2, 2015

Well-dressed Man Put on Trial by Lodge; Charged with 'Engaging in Metrosexual Behavior'

Macon, GA--The Past Bastard has learned that a local fashion enthusiast is facing Masonic charges after repeated violations of his local Masonic lodge dress code. Joe Snow, member of Simpleton Lodge No. 2 1/2, insisted on dressing up to attend lodge, reportedly in direct contravention of lodge code. Bro. Snow is being charged with "engaging in and advocating support of metrosexual behavior," an offense punishable by expulsion. Jim Snow, Worshipful Master of Simpleton Lodge explained, "Brother Joe's behavior is inexcusable. He insisted on wearing three-piece suits to lodge when our dress code is known to be bib overalls, and t-shirts only for degrees. God didn't make Adam and Eve wear suits! Neither should we! Brother Snow is breaking divine sartorial law. He deserves to be expelled."

The Past Bastard caught up with Joe as the situation unfolded. He explained: "I've been in love with fashion for as long as I can remember. I've tried adhering to the dress code, but for me it's who I am, not a choice I make."

Traditional Observances lodges across the country have aired their support for brother Snow. Johnathan Smith, member of Traditional Lodge No. 1 in Winchester, Kentucky, called out against the perceived injustice: "In today's society, sartorial law differs greatly from Biblical times. We must accept that there just isn't a divine standard for men's clothing in this day and age. As long as you don't force me to wear your clothes, I'm fine with whatever you choose to adorn yourself with."

The Past Bastard will continue to bring updates as this story unfolds. For now, the writers are sure of one thing: It shouldn't matter what clothes you wear, so far as you wear them--for it is well known that "no nudist can be made a Mason." 

-SK Bro. Mason Burhmaster


  1. personally I'm not a fan of mandatory "outward" dress up as long as the mind is right -- but I think this lodge goes a bit far the other direction: and they also appear to be...irregular... and probably clandestine!